My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started…

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’

And then the fight started…

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?’

‘Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.’

‘My God!’ says my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’

And then the fight started…

———————————————————-

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”"

Nah, she can order for herself.”

And then the fight started…

(My father-in-law would love this one!)

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A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And then the fight started…..

(I guess I am still lucky we haven’t had this conversation!)

————————————

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started….

(Winning entry, hands down!)

——————————————–

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man ‘Holy crap. That must be my husband!’

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’

The woman yelled back, ‘Yeah, then why were you running?’

And then the fight started…..

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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”

“No,” she answered.

I then said, “Is that your final answer?”

She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”

So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”

And that’s when the fight started….

———————————————————-

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

‘When you finish cutting the grass,’ I said, ‘you might as well sweep the driveway.’

And then the fight started…

http://dreamwalkersquest.blogspot.com/

Hope to see you there!

I am sad that we never got to name our coffee maker, so I’ll just call him Krups.  He was a wedding gift from Hannah, which makes me all more morose because the pot is all over the floor – in tiny glass pieces.  I wrote about this incident in another blog – Brewed Coffee.  Now I have to get another one.

I don’t know Aunt Betty. I have never met her. But I do know that she was someone special in Jerry’s life and that makes her special to me as well. She passed away last Saturday and we found out only last night. I see myself as the practical person in our relationship but last night, I saw how sometimes, practical is not the way to go. Not when it comes to death, not even when it comes to living. Jerry called off work and we hung out at Gweilo’s and Prince of Persia till late night. Then we hung out in our living room till early morning. I realized that even when there is a practical path to take, sometimes what one needs most is to just shed practicality and let things hang.

Jer and I spent all weekend finishing the second season of Dexter. Once we finished that, we spent time playing – he played on his PS3, I played on my laptop. It just made me wonder, is this how normal couples “bond”? We haven’t spent a lot of time together lately, because of work. When we do, we most often sit in the living room watching TV shows or playing with our own “toys.”

We do have our date night – it used to be every Friday night but since he started working nights, we haven’t had the chance to go out. Is this weird or what? I wonder how other couples bond?

(By the way, Dexter rocks! I can’t wait for the 3rd season. Maybe I’ll post something on this series soon.)

I started this blog for myself. I have always loved writing and for 3 years (roundabouts) now, I have been working as a freelance writer and maintaining a lot of blogs – all of which are not really mine. When I started this blog in August last year, I was near burning out, I think. I had a lot on my plate – both at work and at home – and sometimes, I thought that I could not handle things anymore. Then I remembered how I made myself feel better as a teenager. I’d take a sheet or two of yellow pad and I would write down my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, I kept the sheets. Sometimes, I’d throw them away. The results were the same – I’d feel much better after letting out my emotions. So why not make use of the technology that I use for a living to make my life easier to deal with?

It worked – to a certain extent. Writing on paper is one thing – blogging and publishing your thoughts for the world to see is something else. I realize now that I am not quite ready for this. A certain part of my thoughts and feelings are only for me to see, but I can’t stop blogging. I love writing – both as a job and for myself. So which fork on the road to take?

I think I shall continue with this personal blog and just write down whatever I feel comfortable sharing. I may not be sticking with my original idea of letting out my inner most feelings but who wants to read about that anyway?

Is this really me?